Smashers rhyme crime
by Regii the Lunar Wolf
Summary: Present to Celebaby20. I was never good at rhyming, but leaving it up to the Smashers was probably my worst idea yet. Crackfic, half-poem half-story.


**Alright, this is my first attempt at a poem... gone horribly wrong. It's a crackfic too, so no wonder. This is a present for Celebaby20, because Monday (Fifteenth of December) was her birthday. So I thought I'd do something for her because we've been friends for Arceus-knows-how-long, and we're very close and have helped each other through difficult parts of our lives. So this is dedicated to her.**

**Happy birthday, Star. Love you loads.**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Super Smash Brothers. 'Nuff said.**

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_T'was a night before Christmas,  
__And all through Smash manor,  
__Decorations were hung brightly,  
__Giving much glitz and glamour._

_The Smashers themselves were getting ready that night,  
__The day that Saint Nicholas would soon take flight.  
__The younger Smashers were already in bed,  
__The thoughts of Christmas wild in their head._

_Though back downstairs, things weren't quite as calm,  
__In fact, it looked like someone had just dropped a bomb.  
__The rooms were a tip, the Smashers were flailing,  
__And it didn't help that Pikachu made the lights start failing._

_Bowser was stomping, his eyes bloodshot and red,  
__Wishing he could forget all this and head straight to bed.  
__However, the other Smashers wouldn't let him go,  
__Since Peach had tied a tracking device to the end of his nose._

_Dedede and Ganondorf were setting up a stage,  
__Where tomorrow, their DJ-ing talents would wake.  
__Both never told the Smashers about the cool G-Diddy,  
__And his partner in musical crime, the 'King Triple-D'._

_Snake was using his communicator to call,  
__And order many Christmas style things from the mall.  
__However, he didn't mention food, not yet,  
__For Kirby would've manned the door, no bets._

_Marth and Ike were busy decorating the tree,  
__With tinsel and other things that were quite glittery.  
__Marth climbed a ladder to put the star at the top,  
__But he slipped on the top step, making him belly-flop._

_Ike burst out laughing, pointing at the prince,  
__As Marth stood back up, not smiling since.  
__Link watched in amusement, giving a light laugh,  
__As he poked the glowing fire within the warm hearth._

_Sonic was running, spraying fake snow in a can,  
__He'd used up about twelve bottles, grinning like a madman.  
__Pit was also helping with the fake snow idea,  
__But he aimed them at the Smashers, with a whoop and a cheer._

_In the living room, the presents were under the tree,  
__At least one for each Smasher, some big and some tiny.  
__To keep people out, Wario farted with all his might,  
__To keep the children from coming down in the midst of the night._

_But as you all know – good things can't last,  
__Especially when there's a collision of slow and fast.  
__Proving this point, Sonic ran into Bowser, knocking him flat,  
__Bowser gave an almighty roar – "WATCH IT, YOU RAT!!"_

"_I'm not a rat!" Sonic replied, "There's no need to yell!"  
Bowser swung a claw at Sonic, who dodged, "Hey man, what the hell?  
__It's Christmas time, so don't be mad, y'know?  
And besides – it's not my problem if YOU'RE TOO SLOW!!"_

_Bowser gave an almighty roar, breathing flames at Sonic,  
__Who got out of the way and dashed off quick.  
__Bowser gave chase, as Sonic sprayed fake snow,  
__Obviously, he won't catch him... Oh here we go..._

_Red watched them run, his face had a weird look,  
__Pit landed next to him, his head slowly shook.  
_"_Pit," Red asked, raising an eyebrow, "Tell me so,  
__What does your scouter say about his anger, do you know?"_

"_I don't believe this!" Pit turned around, scouter in hand,  
_"_Red, his power level... it's OVER NINE-THOUSAAAAAND!!"  
__Sonic sweat-dropped and Bowser looked real mad,  
__And Red looked irritated at the use of the fad._

_As the two continued to chase, causing quite a sight,  
__Captain Falcon ran forward, wanting to join the fight.  
_"_I'm not sure," He grinned, "but I have a hunch;  
__This thing can just be solved with a good ol' FALCON PUNCH!!"_

_In the next room, Jigglypuff was trying to sing.  
__But no one was listening. ...Wait, that's a good thing.  
__Because if anyone heard, then they'd take a kip,  
__And Jiggles would draw on their face with felt-tip._

_In the kitchen, Peach and Zelda were trying to bake,  
__The biggest and tastiest kind of Christmas cake.  
__But Peach was still mad – what kind of cheek?  
That Zelda got a present, and yet so did Sheik!_

_..._

_..._

...Silence.

"...Whoah, whoah, WHOAH!!" Red yelled suddenly, the entire thing grinding to a halt, "What's going on? What happened to the poem?!"

Pit raised an eyebrow, glancing around, "...Looks like the author ran out of rhymes..."

"Oh for the love of...!" Sonic sweatdropped, skidding next to the two, "...So what do we do now?"

"...How about..." Red put his finger to his lips in thought, then grinned suddenly, "...We make rhymes FOR him?!"

"...Seriously, this is ridiculous!" Sonic turned around, facing the ceiling, "Regii, you LOVE smashing the fourth wall don't you?!"

"Sonic, why are you yelling at the roof?" Red asked in a puzzled tone. Sonic sighed.

"Never mind..."

"So... _we're here to help Regii make up some rhymes_..." Red began, pacing the hall as everyone watched him, "Err..."

"..._Breaking the fourth wall is one of fanfiction's worst crimes?_" Sonic suggested, raising an eyebrow. Red glared at him in annoyance, "What?"

"Will you shut up about the bloody fourth wall?"

Pit sighed, putting his head in his hands, "This is going to end baaaaadly..."

"Alright, let's think of more! Um..." Sonic began to massage his head, looking frustrated, "...No wonder the author ran out of rhymes! This is tough!"

"You're telling me..." Captain Falcon sighed, shaking his head, "Even I'm having trouble..."

At that point, the two Mario brothers walked in, talking to each other loudly, and attracting everyone's attention away from the current problem.

"Mario, why-a can't I be a main-a character?" Luigi glared at him, "I'm-a always on-a the side! It's-a not fair!"

"Because I'm-a older, and a much-a bigger star!" Mario replied, folding his arms, "People pay-a more attention to-a me than to-a you!" And with that, he turned and began to walk away, with Luigi staring after him. Luigi gave a loud wail, and fell to his knees, making everyone jump in alarm.

"Luigi, what's wrong?" Asked Peach hurriedly, running over to him, "Are you alright?"

"_Being the younger brother isn't easy!_" Cried Luigi in exasperation, "_Especially when no-one pays attention to WEEGEE!!_"

Everyone face-palmed, and Luigi smiled, "I'm-a sorry, I had to-a do it."

"Well, at least it wasn't Mama Luigi..." Snake grumbled, shaking his head, "Let's think of some more. I want to get this stupid stuff over and done with..."

"Me too," Marth nodded, leaning up against the wall, "Um... _so Christmas time is drawing near..._"

"_And the Smashers are full of festive cheer!_" Meta-Knight nodded, "Does that work?"

"Sure does," Lucario nodded calmly, "I... can't think of anymore, though..."

Without warning, Wario burst into the room, cackling evilly. Everyone turned and stared at him as he spun around, and his belly began to bulge. Pit's eyes widened as he stared at Wario's now enlarged stomach.

"DUCK IN COVER!!"

All the Smashers screamed as Wario let loose a powerful blast of gas that knocked over the Christmas tree, and several decorations. The force of the explosion also knocked out several light bulbs, caused several doors to splinter from impact, and make some of the Smashers begin to wretch and choke violently.

"OH GOD!!" Link cried, covering his face, "IT BURNS!!"

"SAVE US FROM THE GAS!!" Ike screamed, putting his cape over his face and coughing loudly, "IT STINGS MY EYES AND NOSE!!"

"Wahahaha!" Wario jeered, saluting, "_Against the great-a Wario, you-a stand no chance! Because I'm-a not wearing any-a underpants!_"

Everyone stared at Wario, now with weird expressions as Pikachu slowly asked, "_Is that true, Wario... or are you just rhyming?_"

"_I-a didn't want to-a throw off our timing!_" Wario cheered, and then faltered a little as he gave a large grin.

"...But-a yes, it's true. I'm-a not."

"EWWW!!" Several Smashers cried, backing away from Wario. The fat man laughed, grabbing his motorbike and riding it out of the room as he cackled in an insane manner. Everyone stared after him, and Red gave a small sigh.

"_That Wario guy... he really creeps me out..._"

"_And I've got a headache... there was no need to shout..._" Pit sighed, rubbing his head. Red suddenly turned, staring at Pit, "What's up?"

"_Hold on a moment, are we rhyming too?_"

"_Don't ask me, I don't have a clue._"

Zelda sighed, turning and beginning to walk away, "This is too crazy. I'm off."

"_This is like something out of Doctor Zeus..._" Sonic muttered, then looked up at Red, who was staring after Zelda, "Red, you alright?"

"_...I can't stop staring at Zelda's caboose..._" Red began to drool a little, and Sonic sweatdropped.

"Great... Red's in a trance..."

"_Everyone seems to have gone all rhyme-y..._" Marth rubbed the back of his head, and Ike glared at him.

"_Shut the hell up, you stupid limey!_"

"This whole rhyme thing is quite retarded..." Peach mumbled, staring around the room at the other Smashers. They all nodded, and Marth sighed.

"_This whole fiasco is quite a big shock... who-ever continues rhyming can just suck on my co—_"

"FALCON PUNCH!!" Falcon punched Marth into the collapsed Christmas tree, making it roll over on top of him, flattening him, "No swearing in a T rated fanfic!"

"You know, I think we should go up to bed and get some sleep," Sonic suggested, "We gotta wake up early for Christmas tomorrow, right?"

"Right, sure." Red nodded, and clapped his hands, "Okay! Fanfic over, get to bed!"

"You can't tell us what to do!" Snapped Snake angrily, glaring at Red, "We have our own decisions to make! You can't just—"

"Don't make me get out the Shoop-da-whoop box..." Red growled. Snake shut up instantly, and the Smashers quickly hurried upstairs before Red got out the box of doom. Pit rubbed the back of his neck, and then began to head to the stairs too.

"Well, I'm off too. I hope this turned out good... I think it sucked."

"Pit, don't be negative!" Red grinned, "It's Christmas! Be happy!"

Pit smiled and lowered his head slightly, "Yeah sure..."

"Also..." Red turned, facing the shattered fourth wall, "All you readers... _you may think our rhyming is kind of crass... but if you do, you can stick your flames right up your a—_"

"Red, language!" Pit snapped. Red quickly stopped himself, sighing.

"Alright, alright..." Red turned and followed Pit, but... it's weird. I think we've forgotten something..."

Pit looked back, shaking his head, "...I don't think so. Doesn't look like it..."

"...Maybe I'm getting paranoid..." Red sighed, and shut the door, turning the lights off too. There was a long silence, as the room lay in total darkness, the collapsed Christmas tree making a dark shadow across the wall. An arm suddenly rose weakly from under the tree.

"...Hello? Anyone?" Came a voice, "It's me... Marth... I'm stuck... someone help? ...Please?"

No response. Marth sighed, unable to push the heavy tree off of him. He simply lay there, and turned his head to look at the fourth wall.

"_I can't push this off, its way too tall... but whatever... you readers... merry Christmas, one and all!_" He suddenly gave a loud cough, "...Oh great, now I have pine needles in my mouth... yuck..."

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**...OMG. That was random beyond extreme. I've managed to combine a poem AND a story into one. I think I've just destroyed a lot of Fanfiction logic here. Anyway, that was a birthday fic to you, Celebaby20. I'm sorry it's so late, but you know why already.**

**Also, I'd like to thank my brother, Fytt, for the Jiggles verse and the Sheik line. Thanks bro.**

**And to the rest of you – Have a very Merry Christmas, and a happy new year!**

**+Regii+**


End file.
